i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
