How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
