I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
