party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Im part way to drunk.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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