Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
