Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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