piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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