I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
