so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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