if only i could text you this smell
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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