This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
