i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
