We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
