I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
