you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
