Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
