This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
