his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
