I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
