So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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