where am i from again
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
