i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
