Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
