: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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