before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He has the fingertips of a God
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