Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
