Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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