if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
