Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize