The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
