He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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