If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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