why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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