What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
