FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
