I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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