I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
