Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
