i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
