After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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