Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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