you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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