i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
