well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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