it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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