i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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