omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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