found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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