There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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