I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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