I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
