So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
high people should be assigned attendants
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
