i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
