successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize