It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
