my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
