bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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