We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You ruined the universe
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
