Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
