Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
