Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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