Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
