I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
