I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
