I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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