I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
