you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
