$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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