and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
