I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
