I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
