How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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