Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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